Marriage
For my entire adult life - until recently - I'd always viewed gay marriage as some extremity that the Professional Gay Protesters would always bang on about without any tangible result.

Since this whole Proposition 8 business in California, I've noticed male strangers - who happen to be gay - refer to being "married" to their long term partners, or referring to their partner as their "husband". It's entirely likely that I'm simply more conscious of these sorts of words after all the hoo-hah in the US recently - but it's got me opening my eyes to just how many goddamn long term same-sex relationships are out there.

It's strange how the passage of time and a maturing age changes your opinion. Until very recently I could never even grasp the concept of gay marriage, I couldn't even understand why people wanted it. It just seemed like some sort of ... radical activism without actual consequences.

Developing a solid relationship over my entire adult life has begun to change my views.

Adam and I even participated in a non-legally binding, but loud for the purposes of protest, mass gay marriage about five years ago. Admittedly we left halfway through because we wanted to go to the pub :-) But I'd be taking that all much more seriously today.

As I grow older, I begin to understand that marriage is more than some "lame Christian" tradition or "what straight people do". It's how this society solidifies, recognises and celebrates a relationship, and so many issues and recognitions branch off from that. I'm entirely confident many gay friends on my LJ friends list won't agree with me on this topic, but I'm almost ten years into a solid, fucking awesome relationship and this shit begins to have an increased weight in my life - even though the most we can show for it are a joint bank account and stat decs in each others names (Jade, I owe you eternally for that suggestion).

I can barely type this for the tears searing my eyes but my only major goal in life right now - I want to marry Adam, my best mate, the man I love, on our tenth anniversary next year. And I'm incredibly upset that I'm certain I won't be able to do that... torn apart. I am not boasting or trying to have a dick measuring contest here, but I'm proud of how long our relationship has lasted and I don't have any mates who've been in a relationship of anything close to the length we've achieved. I'm not trying to be all HIGH SCORE WINNAR! That's not the point. I just don't fucking know how I can express my love for Adam any stronger while my eyes are so opened up to the realities of prejudice in this arena, it really upsets me.

I'm fucking proud of us. Against many odds we are two dudes who have been going out for a very long time and have to act all macho and hide our actual love for each other behind closed doors. I can barely discuss this in person with most of you reading this, but yes, it's fucking hard to have the guts to hold hands down the street despite how tuff Adam is - even when visiting homo suburbs like Darlinghurst - let alone steal a kiss in front of people we know. You should not take that kind of thing for granted if you're straight. I almost have an anxiety attack every time I try to - not just in public, but even amongst friends (I'm working on getting over that, because it's stupid, but it's how things are). Look, I try not to externalise this subject at all, but right now, I need an outlet. I'm FUCKING ANGRY THAT WE'LL NEVER BE MORE THAN TWO DUDES WHO HAPPEN TO FUCK AND LIVE TOGETHER. WE ARE MORE THAN THAT.

Some of you reading this will understand the unbelievable electricity of holding hands with your same sex partner in public, others (likely partners of an opposite sex) will take it for granted. I just look forward to the day everyone has the same reaction - and I at least know it'll come in my lifetime. Proposition 8 may be FAIL, and it certainly doesn't affect the wider world; but I'm so heartened by the attention and debate it has attracted. As if I needed any more reasons to love Jon Stewart any more than seeing him practically slap Bill O'Reilly across the face on <i>The Daily Show</i> tonight over gay marriage... it got me realising it's loud and clear on the agenda now. Things are changin'.

This was all quite an outburst and I figured that LiveJournal, the patented home of bear-drama, is the best place for such a rant ;-) I won't bring it up again. But fuck, I'm angry and can barely see through my eyes for tears right now.

I'll be back tomorrow with LOLs. :-)